Bizarre Barbies

So, these take about 20 minutes to cook, right?' says Dad, holding forth a packet of Denny 'butcher style' sausages.

Dad is wearing shorts and an apron, sandals and black socks. He has a pair of Weber barbecue tongs in one hand, which he alternates with a can of 'Bud', as he calls it.

Aside from looking ridiculous, Dad has also transmogrified into a character somewhere between Ranulph Fiennes and Jean-Claude van Damme. 'Never mind those midges' he says to his - deeply embarrassed and already badly bitten - children.

'The black bits have the best flavour' he says by way of explaining why the chicken wings are the colour of charcoal. When the rain starts, he pulls on a Peter Storm jacket, and derides everyone who rushes indoors, as he stays outside with the burnt chicken, the burnt bangers, the burnt burgers (13 for the price of 12 at his local Tesco), the warm 'Bud', as he calls it.

'Drop of rain never hurt anyone', says the action man explorer as he finishes off the pasta salad. 'Don't know how to have fun', he says finally. 'It's summer after all, come and enjoy yourselves, for God's sake'.

Poor Dad. After all, he is simply responding to something primordial that lies in all men: the call of the fire which provokes the need for meat, and which is characterised by a profound lack of sophistication. He doesn't know that any good Barbie starts the day before, with marinades, bastes, preparations, lotions and the like. Putting the food on the fire is the final stage of everything, the simplest part of the process.

Dad needs to understand that getting flavour into barbie food is what it is all about, as this profoundly wonderful recipe from the profoundly wonderful Alice Waters of Chez Panisse shows. This is from the great 'Chez Panisse Café Cookbook', and lovage burgers are the business, pure and simple, with the clean cut of the lovely lovage taking the burger into the taste stratosphere.

All the kids have to do now is to replace the Clark's summer sandals with some Timberlands, buy him a Slow Food apron, lose the black socks, and get the man a bottle of Number 1 lager.

Alice's Lovage Burgers

'A delicious twist on the beloved hamburger. Lovage is a tall, beautiful herb with large leaves. It looks and tastes a bit like celery, with undertones of parsley and chervil, yet has some other elusive sweetness that is hard to describe. Lovage adds a crisp, bright flavour to beef. I made these burgers years ago for a staff picnic, and I've been trying to get them on the Café menu ever since!'

Serves 4

4 cloves garlic, roughly chopped
Salt
8 lovage leaves, coarsely chopped
1 and three quarter pounds ground chuck
Pepper
Levain bread or focaccia
Grilled onions
Dijon mustard
Rocket or young lettuce leaves

In a mortar, pound the garlic with a little salt. Add the chopped lovage leaves and pound briefly. Mix the garlic and lovage into the meat, and season generously with salt and pepper. Form into 4 patties. It is important to pack the meat well and make the edges of the patties smooth to ensure even cooking. Leave the centre of the patty a bit concave; this corrects for the swelling that occurs in the centre as the meat's circumference contracts during cooking.

For a medium-rare burger, grill the hamburgers for four and a half minutes on each side over medium-hot coals. Serve on bread toasted so it is lightly browned and slightly crisp on one side. Good choices for buns are levain bread or focaccia, both breads that are soft enough but still able to hold up to the juice of the burger without falling apart. The size of the bread is also important: it should just match the size of the hambuger. Garnish with grilled onions, Dijon mustard, and a few leaves of rocket or lettuce.

Click here to buy 'Chez Panisse Café Cookbook'

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